Transformed By His Strength
Bending down on my knees beside his mom’s velvet sofa where he sat, I pleaded. “Please don’t leave me. Let’s give it another chance.”
The heartbreak I had feared for so long was staring me in the face. But this felt more like an assault—a full-blown gut-punch that knocks the wind out of you.
Could this really be the end? He had said it before, “I don’t want to do this anymore,” but this felt more permanent. As if he actually meant it this time.
“Finished” was never an option before.
Our fights usually went like this:
He comes back
He is forgetting how we do this. (Or he’s just making up his own rules now.) Maybe it’s too soon. I haven’t given him enough time to realize he is ready to come back.
All these thoughts raced through my head as the approaching outcome loomed over me. He wasn’t changing his mind. And still, there I was, on my knees, begging a man to accept me anyway. This heartbreak felt all too familiar, and my thoughts raced again.
Why am I pleading? Why is it that every man I have in my life leaves? I beg them to hold onto the relationship with the frayed edges of a rope. Until it breaks, and the ties that bind us are gone forever. Just like the day daddy left…Melissa, you are stronger now! You have built a life that doesn’t depend on anyone. But had I really?
Shame on the Floor
The shame of pleading didn’t occur to me when I first knelt beside him. I just wanted to get to the place that I imagined was safe for my heart. But as he left, his long legs stood before me, and I remained on the floor; the certainty of humiliation felt like another gut punch. (This is worse than a hard day at the gym)
As he walked out the door letting the screen door slam behind him, I couldn’t help but think that was the force at which he was closing this chapter of my life. I pulled myself onto the sofa and began wiping my face with the only thing I had near me, my shirt collar. Feeling like a five-year-old smearing snot on my clothes, it is either this or the sofa, and I’m sure his mama wouldn’t appreciate my nose drippings on her couch, I thought.
Sitting there, I grew angry at myself for allowing him to drive me to a position of such vulnerability and then rejection. Mad at my weakness, I still longed for comfort—it was all I believed I needed. Maybe I could find it at church. Since I was left with nothing but shame and a gross shirt, I decided to try the Wednesday night service. Surely this would help, or at the very least, would be a place to cry out my feelings about the last few days.
It had been a week since my husband said “goodbye”…this time. I was heartbroken, went into depression and quit everything—school, my job, life. I laid in bed and wept. I didn’t understand how I could give him everything, all of me, and it still wasn’t enough.
I thought maybe through all of the hymns and the sermon, the church would have answers. But as the closing song faded out, I felt no different. My eyes still weeping, my nose still running, and my heart still broken; I wondered where Jesus was in all of this. Little did I know, He was about to show me.
I know you’ve been there too—wondering where Jesus is in all the heartbreak—questioning why He hasn’t eased your pain or repaired the problem.
These are the vulnerable moments He can and will show up for you.
That night I got in my car to drive home, but I began to feel a sudden peace. One I had not felt in a long time. Maybe a peace I have never felt! I continued down that lonely highway I had traveled many times before, but I wasn’t alone this night. It’s like Jesus left the church with me and hopped in the passenger’s seat.
As He entered my car, His peace and assurance came with Him, and that comfort I longed for was there. It can only be described as unexplainable. I have no words for it, but I know it filled my car and my heart with such intensity, I couldn’t deny it.
And friends, I can show you the spot in the road where He said this to me: “Melissa, if you would love ME as you love him—if you would give ME everything the way you have him, I will not hurt you. You have given him a place in your heart that was only designed for me, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. But give it to me, I will never leave you the way he has—the way other men have…the way your earthly father did.”
With these words
in that car
riding a dark road
on a Wednesday night in August
My life changed!
The epiphany: I had made this man my “god!” That awareness was what I needed to help me realize why I landed there so many times before. I had always professed to be a Christian, did all the “required” things. But I never understood how to really give Him my heart. I was too busy chasing love and acceptance to figure it out. No one but Jesus could heal the wounds of my father leaving. No human is equipped to withstand the pressure of healing another human’s heart.
And no man on earth would ever be able to fill that place. Only Jesus.
Transformed by His Strength
Heartbreak will come. It is a part of life, but when it does, know this: Jesus will be your ride or die.
Invite Him to show you how that heartbreak can be transformed into strength, the strength that relies only on Him!
2 Corinthians 12:10 says this “That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
We can be confused by the oxymoron of how being weak could make us strong. But sometimes, Jesus uses your weakness so you can discover your strength through Him.
For the eyes that grace these words, I pray you encounter Jesus—in your car, your passenger’s seat, your house, on your job. I pray He shows you true strength through your heartbreak. The kind of strength that realizes He is the strong one, and you can rest in Him!
Today I still kneel, but now it is only before Jesus.
Hi, I’m Melissa Scott. Have you ever struggled with overthinking, worry, or stress? Girl, me too! Life can hand it out in droves at times, and when it landed me on my face, I looked up to Jesus to find a better way. I’m a wife and mom of triplets. I have a podcast called Hello Courageous, where I have the privilege of sharing courageous stories of women and men all over the US. I am certified through the Neuroscience-Leadership Institute to help others reach their goals by better understanding how they think. I do all of this because I want to help women who were just like me-stressed, people-pleasing, worried, or overthinking. If you’ve ever been there, you’re my girl! Let’s be friends!!
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