Finding Strength Through God’s Word
It had been six painful years since my discovery day. The day my heart was broken and life as I knew it was over—my husband was leading a double life.
Instead of an anticipated trip to the city zoo with my family, I took a trip to zombie land, instead. It’s how I felt as I tried to engage with my young daughter as she delighted in seeing the elephants and giraffes. And when I saw two men holding hands near the butterfly exhibit? I couldn’t find the nearest bush fast enough—to rid me of my soured breakfast.
“How could this be?” I questioned God, proceeding to doubt every event during my previous ten years of marriage. If this heart wrenching, heart shattering, heartbreaking fact was reality, then what was I supposed to do now? Dazed for days, I remained in a state of chaos and confusion.
After three years of ongoing shame and silence, my secret was too much to bear. I tried to find a counselor who could empathize, but was confronted with, “Why are you still with him? Most women would have left by now. He won’t change. A dog returns to his vomit.”
Yet in my unwavering belief that God could still do a miracle, I desperately clung to hope my marriage and family would remain intact.
There I was, attending a women’s Bible study where I knew no one. As an anonymous participant, I could still keep my story under cover, maintaining the façade I was happily married, just like the other women.
In addition to the Bible study came a challenge: scripture memorization. Oh dear, this would be an obstacle for me, someone who is horrendous at memorizing! Lately I couldn’t remember what I ate for lunch—or even if I ate lunch. Sometimes I’d forget about it altogether— finding the previous day’s meal shriveled in the microwave 24 hours later. My brain was mush. I needed something to help me get out of the muddy mire I had been stuck in.
Could God’s Word be my answer? I wondered.
Pivotal in my healing from sexual betrayal, God knew what I needed most. Proverbs 31:25 became my theme. Even now I recite it, judiciously.
“I am clothed in strength and dignity. I can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25
Strength? I knew one thing for sure—I was NOT strong. More like a pushover, too afraid to stand up for myself.
Dignity? Long gone. I knew my husband no longer respected me, and fully aware of my doormat status, I had given up hope of maintaining any dignity.
Laughing at the future? Ha ha. That would be the day! How could I ever have joy or laughter again? Like clay in the hands of the Potter, I felt God had smashed me. Nothing about my future looked promising.
As I recited each phrase out loud, the Holy Spirit transformed my thinking. His gentle whisper assured me His statements were true for me, not just for the other Bible study women.
I learned I was strong, because God is strong and I am made in his image.
He instilled the confidence I lacked. He replaced my insecurities with dignity. After all, I was the daughter of a king! The lifter of my chin enabled me to hold my head high.
Once again it was possible to have hope—even believe joy and laughter were on the horizon, because God held my uncertain future in his capable hands.
With each additional scripture memorized, God continued my healing process, putting my feet firmly on a journey to joy. His revelation of truth and exposing my worth, caused me to realize I was more valuable than diamonds or rubies.
Friend, is it time for you to be clothed in strength and dignity, ready to laugh at your future? God is faithful to do mighty works in his beloved children.
Give scripture memorization a try. Be willing to watch an Almighty God do an amazing work in you.
Allow Jesus—who turns heartbreak into strength—bless you with His truth and promises.
He did it for me, and He will do it for you.
As a woman who discovered her husband’s same-sex betrayal, Debra Wallace validates and comes alongside women who’ve experienced betrayals of their own. APSATS trained, she’s an encourager and battle buddy, leading wives care groups with a trauma informed approach as someone who has been in a betrayed woman’s shoes and “gets her.” She points them to Jesus, the ultimate healer, by helping them seek truth through scripture. Understanding what God says about us, being clothed in strength and dignity, Debra believes we can overcome shame and secrecy to pursue hope, healing, and abundant life only Jesus offers. She would love to connect with you on Instagram, Facebook, or her website: debrawallace.org
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