An Eternal Perspective of Loss

Fifteen years ago on Christmas day, I sat on a hospital bed six months pregnant with my baby girl Ava. I overheard my husband’s solemn tone in his voice as he spoke with the doctor on the phone. The heaviness of his voice signaled that something was wrong with my pregnancy.

We found out that there was an infection in my placenta because my cervix started to open prematurely. I had to deliver Ava or else the infection could spread to my bloodstream. Both Ava and I were in danger. I couldn’t believe what was happening, especially on Christmas day.

Since Ava would be born prematurely, the chances of her survival were slim. My husband and I were devastated and heartbroken hearing this news.

The next twenty-four hours were the most difficult hours of my life.

As I laid in the hospital bed and induced to go into labor, my husband and I cried for the loss of our baby girl. The loss was unbearable.

After I delivered Ava, I heard a soft cry from her. I held her in my arms noticing the precious details of her beautiful face and her slim fingers. After she quietly passed away in my arms, I pressed my cheek against her cold head. That was my last moment with her.

The following months after losing Ava, I was in a deep depression. I questioned God’s love and goodness. I wondered why this tragedy happened in my life. I’ve never experienced such a deep grief and loss in my life until I lost Ava.

One day, I came across a book called “Holding on to Hope, A Pathway through Suffering to the Heart of God” by Nancy Guthrie. Nancy shared about the loss of her two babies and her journey of grief and suffering to having hope in God. This book ministered to my broken heart.

In her book, she asked, “Would you take comfort and find confidence in knowing that although the purpose in your suffering may be unseen, God does have a purpose, and part of that purpose is to display his work in your life?”

It was comforting to know that God has a purpose for my pain and heartbreak, and that He will use that to display His work in my life.

Nancy also shared this passage from 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. “Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

I’m grateful for this passage from 2 Corinthians. It helped me to have more of an eternal perspective and to look forward to what is to come which is our eternal life with God.

Our heartbreak and struggles on this earth will pass, but our time with God is forever.

In the following years after losing Ava, I was able to share with others how I’ve experienced God’s love, peace, and strength when I was grieving. God provided a community of family and friends that supported my husband and me. God used Nancy’s book to minister to me. Also, God helped me to have a more eternal perspective.

Psalm 23:6 became my life verse because I was experiencing God’s love and goodness in my life and was excited about my eternal life with God. “Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Today, God continues to give me His strength to live each day to experience His love and goodness.

He continues to give me hope for what is yet to come – eternal life with Him.

Susan Park is a Korean American Christian writer. She has a passion to encourage God’s creative women with words of hope and joy. She is currently working on her first novel about a second-generation Korean American college woman. She was a contributing writer and assistant copy editor for the Christian online magazine, Marked Ministry. She has been a guest writer and podcast guest for other wonderful Christian women writers. Susan lives in the Chicago area with her husband and three boys and would love to connect with you on her website www.susanepark.com or social media @susaneparkwrites

To hear my conversation on the podcast with Susan, click on Depth Podcast Episode 90.

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